Dinner and a Show

Monday March 19Th

The weather in Chicago is so fantastic today. Spring is definitely in the air. It is the perfect day to plan the garden- and get those seeds started indoors.

This year I am doing window boxes. Hopefully the colorful plants will block the view outside which is a bit dirty. This neighborhood is full of stately mansions which have been turned into 2,4, and 6 apartments! To actually own one and have a single family, 6 bedroom home, would be a dream. 

For now I am attempting to make friends with the guys  hanging out on the front porches with their 40 ounces in hand. My children have never lived in the hood so this is brand new to them.

We are lucky enough to not have cockroaches in our building but we have been inside someone’s  home around here that does have them. My son was shocked. 

” they are like pets, mom! People are just sitting around talking while roaches are walking right in front of them.”

I had to hush him out the door that day. Hopefully we didn’t pick up any hitchhiking cock roaches!

I am super big on nature, birds, trees and insects are cool with me but not bugs in the house. No rats either. I ain’t even big on hamsters.

Bad things happen to hamsters around me. Rabbits aren’t safe either. Dogs can share my bed. I’m strange like that.

Well that’s enough. I am so sorry about the hamsters that I killed by accident.

Crybaby escaped from his cage. I was running into a dark room to catch the phone when the heel of my right foot slammed down on something soft. Crybaby didn’t cry much longer … just spun around in circles until he expired.

I was nine when I killed Crybaby. Although my mother tried to console me by telling me that I probably put Crybaby out of his misery. We had suspected something was wrong with that hamster. He had gotten the name due to him moaning and squeaking if another hamster came near him or if we picked him up. He was inbred and of the third litter.

We had started out with 3 hamsters and ended up with about 20. The original 3 were all suppose to have been boys. At any rate, the entire experience left a sore spot. After stepping on Crybaby I felt the need to punish myself. I hopped around on one leg for two weeks, refusing to let my right heel touch the ground. My mother only asked me how long I planned on punishing myself when she noticed what I was doing.

Some children are very sensitive. Perhaps the professionals would agree that it all depends on what they are exposed to and how. I try very hard to have the patience to explain the world around us to my children. Sometimes I find that big things are easier than little things to explain.

Anybody can teach my kids how to tie their shoes, so why spend energy figuring out how to talk about that? I concentrate on heavier topics.

According to my eldest son, his friends aren’t so lucky. He has noticed that most of his friends don’t talk to their parents. It is just HI and BYE. Everybody is in such a rush to get to school, work etc. There is no time for chit chat in the morning.

I make a lesson out of whatever I feel needs talking about. Years ago, I didn’t know when to shut up. People and my children would get very annoyed. Last year I started to time myself as if I were doing a monologue for the stage.

As a parent it is always a word choice game anyway. The challenge is to use the most colorful words to communicate your theory as quick as possible. Leaving time for feedback.

Why go through all of this? Because… children don’t think, feel and do what we say strictly because we say so. 

We are always running late around my house. I am sorry to all the schools, jobs, dinners and people who like to start on time, but I need to say my monologue when I feel it is necessary. Some things can’t wait until evening. Especially with children. 

Last week one of my nieces tried to commit suicide.

If she had of been successful I would have blamed myself because I knew that she was depressed.

The last time I saw her, we were all at my uncles. I had brought beets, carrots, apples, dark lettuce, cup cakes, and roasted chicken- all from Whole Foods Market. Everything was organic and crisp with freshness. 

All of the children gathered around the aromatic herbs and were curious to taste the raw vegetables. Making the salad was great but there just wasn’t time to talk to my troubled niece alone. 

After dinner I stretched out on my Aunt’s bed to nurse my baby girl. Before I knew it I was over powered by sleep. When I woke up my nieces had gone home.  

It took two days for me to be able to write about teen suicide. I still have not spoken directly to my niece- she in a facility and participating in group therapy.

The thought of my world without her was too painful to put into words. When she able to speak on the phone I want to be comfortable that I can communicate my love helpfully. I’ve done some online research and found these websites to be helpful. www.GirlsAndBoystown.org. They also have a hotline 1 800- 448- 3000. I tested the number and my call was answered quickly.

The other site is www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide.html

Aside from seeking help, I’ve found that learning how to ask questions and listen to our children is very helpful while trying to rear them.

I don’t think of myself as my children’s boss. There is not a power trip between me and them. I am not shy of my weaknesses and I’m not afraid to fight for their needs and rights. This has not been easy. Actually I’ve sacrificed in many ways for them to be able to experience a better life than I had growing up.

Art has always been one of my tools of self counsel and I encourage young people to write and draw to express themselves. Find a hobby that you enjoy that helps time go by. Reading is a marvelous escape from your environment.

Life can be beautiful. Call someone before you give up.